If he can't understand that, then he is going to have a very lonely life. I love him and it hurts that he wants me to choose between my family and him. What he doesn't know is that although I love him, he better accept me as I am or we won't be getting married. This has been coming to a head for the last week or so, when he started asking why we didn't go live in the house that Bill left us. I know I have always been bossy and sometimes mean to you, but I love you like a son, Jon, and I think you have always known I felt that way. I am proud of what you do and so is my girl. No man, even one I love, is going to change me or try to make me do something I know in my heart would be a mistake and would make me miserable. Jon, I know you get mad and frustrated with me sometimes, but everything I have ever done has been because I wanted you to be the son I never had. Now that you and Kat are getting married, it makes me tingle with happiness to think that the house will have kids running. Iasked her what exactly it was doing. She said not to worry my pretty littlehead about it. I would like the changes and I should just trust her. Thesound of the suit messing with my mind was scary. I told her that maybe Ishould have her take it off. She told me that if I did, she would considerit as a failure and I could forget about hanging out with her. I thoughtabout it and told her I was sorry and I'll just go with it. She told methat I was a good girl again and pulled me back to the party. As we walkedback, I noticed that I wasn't trying as hard to walk like a girl as I hadbeen all night. It was like my body just moved that way on its own. Ifigured I was just getting used to it and pushed it out of my mind.Another hour went by and the fuzziness got worse. It was like I was therebut I wasn't there. I was still having conversations with the girls but itwas like I was watching it rather than doing it. I was giggling and jokingalong with them as if nothing were wrong. Then the.
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